The infinity symbol has always held special meaning for me. Recently, it revealed a new expression: one side is form, the other is formless. As I traverse from side to side in my conscious awareness, I made a discovery: I go into the formless to gather universal conscious awareness, and come to the formed side to apply the truth and meaning of what I just learned. What allowed me to become aware of this was an experience I had recently. The experience was a familiar one, but one that I decided to observe rather than directly participate in this time.
In my observations, what I found is that no matter how painful it is to birth new awareness into this reality, I am still whole- one consciousness present in both realms. It was so powerful to not be swept away by the current of finding my consciousness exploring the depths of the cosmos. It was powerful, but also painful, to realize how my ego no longer supports the truth and power of the energy I just brought back from the ethers of the universe. So as my ego dissolves to make room for new understanding, I find my old beliefs, concepts, and identities fall away.
Having the opportunity to observe rather than be in this process, I discovered that there is nothing wrong with me. I am absolutely okay, all the time. I am okay even when I feel unrooted or defective as I attempt to function in this reality. I am okay, even when I am only capable of a robotic attempt at showing up to routine without passion. I am okay, even when I attempt to move beyond where I have been standing and perceiving, only to find that how I would have conducted that movement no longer supports my understanding of reality.
At times, this leaves me paralyzed. Other times, it leaves me gracelessly floundering as I attempt to push forward in spite of my “too small shoes”.
Not only this, but it also leaves me with an understanding that how I have believed or perceived before is no longer the truth, only a part of it. It is like filling in more pieces to a puzzle as the picture becomes clearer, what you thought was one thing turns out to be another.
It used to take me years to traverse from one side of the infinity symbol to the other, integrating all along the process. Lately, it has taken less time. This particular time, it was about 4-6 months. By having it go much quicker, it is easier to notice what is actually happening. By choosing to be an observer, I could better see what has been going on all my life. I realized I can do this process in seconds,significantly less time than it used to take, by merging the duality of life into it’s true oneness. By being a conscious observer, I can have one foot in the ethers of the universe and one foot firmly on the ground of this formed reality. I can simultaneously have a presence of self awareness as oneness right at the crux of the crossing. Collapsing the distance, time, and even the need for travel, all that is left is presence in the now.
When attempting to describe this infinity symbol process idea to a dear friend, he became excited. He realized that, while it expresses itself differently in his wife, it seems to be the same process for her too. This excited my friend, as it seems to offer some grounding, compassion, and perspective of his wife's process. There are times when she seems really present and grounded, taking good care of her business and herself. The rest of the time, she seems to be off in the stars; lost to the functions of this reality and all that comes with being an adult in modern America. It was in his observation of her having nothing actually wrong with her that led him to see how his own process with food and alcohol addiction seemed to have a similar flow about it.
This is when I realized that it would be useful to put my experience into words, as it seemed to normalize something humanly common about us spiritual beings.
If you would like to learn more, I am happy to connect with you. Please reach out to find the answers you seek for balance and well-being.
So much love to you, Summer