Each moment I arrive to a new choice. Do I do/say this, or not, or that instead? When I used to try to keep it all straight in my head, who the person I was with wanted me to be, who did I want to be, I began to get scared, worry, and panic. It was too much to be everything for everyone else, and to find myself still dissatisfied. I began the journey to give up pleasing, proving, and providing for other people a mirror image of who they wanted or needed me to be. All those years of hiding myself to please others meant hating myself. I was certain something, many things, were wrong with me. The more I let go and risked being denied acceptance, the more I arrived at myself. What was surprising, other people liked me more. What was even more surprising, I discovered I really like who I am. I have found that I trust myself more, enjoying the gifts, learning more about the ways in which I am imperfect. By listening to the part of me that knows who I am and what I am doing here, I find my life leading down a completely different, yet incredibly joyful road. I found a journal entry I want share it with you, the internal chatter of my mind when I checked in on how I was feeling about myself four years ago. My invitation today is to check in where you say yes and no in your life. Where do you lean in, where do you hold back? This is a curious exploration, not a judgement. If we don't know how we are truly doing in this thing called life, then we will never know we had a choice all along.
From my journal, 5/7/15
I try new things.
I repeat old lies.
I show up.
I hold back.
I push really hard.
I’m just pretending.
I nurture myself.
I ignore myself.
I nourish me.
I put junk in me.
I seek deep.
I dismiss truth.
I take small steps everyday to grow.
I hide.
I try new things.
I don’t finish them.
I explore and open to ideas.
I don’t follow through.
I want to accomplish.
I am distracted.
Choosing my journey.
After traveling to many countries around the world, I have begun to see how each step I take is one of choice. How do I choose this country or that? In letting go of the logic of all expectations, I listen to a deep internal guidance system. I call this my internal compass, it has never led me wrong.
Learn More About You
The journey inward is the first step on the road of awakened life. It can be as long or short, painful or joyful as you like. The joy of my life is helping others discover the gifts inside. The next step on the journey is outward. What are we doing with this gift of who we are? If you would like to learn more about you, your gifts, and why it matters, I have openings this week to explore the power within you.
